Has my spiritual immaturity defined me?
Poking holes at my definition of God's love
I cried to my sister: “I wish I liked myself more.”
I guess I didn’t think how jarring that would be for her to hear.
“I don’t want to hear you say that about yourself.” I could hear the sadness in her voice.
It just kind of came out, though. I wasn’t looking for sympathy or trying to milk anything. I had been bombarded with negative thoughts of ways I had been impatient with the girls, lazy in business, harsh with Tyler, and undisciplined in the habits I know serve me. I was tired of feeling like the crazy unstable person everyone had to carefully juggle like a fragile glass ornament.
I wanted to be better.
As much as you think it’d be helpful to be surrounded by the most stable people on all sides (my husband, mom and sister) it. Is. Not. ;) Unless you like being constantly reminded that you still can’t handle things that other people can.
Suffice it to say, seeing my sister’s reaction jolted me and made me realize I couldn’t keep thinking like this. I needed to get to the bottom of it.