Where did our confidence go?

Rediscovering what my love for safety pushed away

If you asked many of us what we want to feel at any given moment, I think safety would be at the top of many lists. 

College Valerie had the confidence of a professional athlete or Grammy winner even though she shouldn’t have. 

In college, I loved to play guitar and write songs in front of my mirror so much so that I made an actual CD of 12 ish songs. No, I wasn’t confident enough to sing in front of a live audience. Thank God for my fear of being on a stage. 😜 But still, I was somehow confident enough to think my little diddys and mediocre voice should be forever remembered on a CD, our generation's music conduit of choice. 

I picked the cover art and the title, which, is a whole nother level of embarrassment. 

But it got me thinking about how much confidence it took to do such a thing. Truthfully, it didn’t feel like confidence then. It felt like I was just living my life and not overthinking things like: Should I be embarrassed that I made a whole album with an elementary 6 or 7 chords? Or does it sound weird that I’m writing about heartbreak and haven’t been broken up with since 6th grade?

Never crossed my mind. 

I didn’t have this new layer of protective covering that tells me to stay safe at all moments. Maybe you have one too?